If i come over, it means nothing
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
