Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
