Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
