I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
