Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
