I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
