I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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