haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
