I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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