I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
