consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
