porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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