I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My pussy is not your playground.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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