ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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