dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
