So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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