I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
