Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Everyone says I win the strip club
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
