I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize