You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
