oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
