Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
