Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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