ugly people sure do ruin things
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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