Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
