She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
