I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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