Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
