rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
be right there i have to get my cape
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
