She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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