His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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