My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
