I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
