I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize