Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
