i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
