I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
