question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
