So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
