i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
