I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
