Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
