Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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