Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
