Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
