just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
