Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
