I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Blood and glitter go together right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
