Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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