Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
