Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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