he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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