What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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