Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
