I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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