He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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