Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
