this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
