i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
