You can't motorboat a personality
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
