Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
