Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
