By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
