Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
