my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
