I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
