So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
