We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
