I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
