you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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