It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
