I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
