she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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