honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
