This girl is more easily done than said...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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