Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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